alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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