can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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