why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
