giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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