I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
being pregnant is like rehab
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
