I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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