You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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