I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
