we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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