hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
