Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
