WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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