We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My ass is underappreciated
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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