I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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