you would pick up someone in the library
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
