I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
