I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
