shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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