so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
