Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
