Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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