how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
