she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
