You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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