I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
