So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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