you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
