Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
