you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
