Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
