oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
