just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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