Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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