ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
