well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
