saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
