Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
