Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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