I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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