But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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