i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
