Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
