benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
