i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
