If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
