Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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