Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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