So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
