She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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