I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
