You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
