After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
