Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
