When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
MIDGETS
????
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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