She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
