you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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