literally had 100 drinks last night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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